Wide Awake

It is far too early for me to be awake, but I am - for the second night in a row. I think I read something about pregnancy related insomnia kicking in during the last few weeks, but this really isn't working for me.

Anyone who is familiar with my history with sleep knows that being awake, especially at night is unusual for me - I just don't wake up. It was strange enough when I started having to wake up several times a night to visit the restroom, but being wide awake and ready to do stuff at three in the morning is strange. Mostly it is unpleasant because I know that I am going to crash in the middle of the day at work and I can't have any caffeine unless I want to torment the poor baby in my belly. Actually, the caffeine would also torment me because it is really uncomfortable to have a baby bouncing off the walls (literally) inside you.

Even though I will probably pay for it tomorrow, I decided to get up tonight partly to spare Izzy a few hours of being disturbed by my tossing in bed and partly to deal with the ten thousand thoughts running through my head. Last night I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about all I need to do in order to be ready for the baby to come in a month. It turns out that being partly ready for the baby stresses me out a lot more than not being ready at all. I know everything will work out. I have been thoroughly blessed and spoiled by friends and family and I know everything will get done, but it is frustrating for me to not be able to do much for myself. Between the physical limitations of being home to a nearly grown baby and the fact that most of my time and available energy is taken up by work, I am forced to allow everyone else to do things for me and wait for them to do so. I don't like it much, though I am very thankful for the help.

Tonight I have a lot of other things on my mind. I think I need to spend some time journaling to sort out my thoughts before I am ready to write them out publicly. Also, I think I am actually getting tired enough to go back to bed.

Perhaps I need to try to get up and do something useful every night in order to make myself tired enough to go back to sleep quickly.